The iPod Human
by Madame-Bovary-was-framed
Summary: The young shadowhunters decide to take the night off and go out. They soon discover Clary has a rather funny habit when she gets drunk. One-shot. Or two.
1. Outloud

**A/N- A random one-shot. Felt like they MI crew needed a bit more fun in their lives. Let's just pretend they're all over the drinking age (its 18 over here in Australia). Enjoy. **

**Disclaimer- Thank You Cass Clare, 3OH!3, Imogen Heap, The Knack and 3 Doors Down.**

**JPOV**

It'll be fun, she said.

I'll keep you entertained if things get boring, she said.

Clary couldn't have been more right.

*****

The music blared in the large room and echoed through my ears and the smell of sweat and alcohol hung in the air. Clubs weren't the on the top of his list of things to do on Saturday night.

But, what the heck, Clary was excited. She hadn't gone out since that fateful time at Pandemonium. And we had been back from Idris for about a year and a half now.

Normally, Clary would have been back at school by now.

But then again she wasn't a mundane any more.

After consulting with her mother, she decided she would stay here at the Institute to train as one of the Nephilim.

But more importantly, she was here with me 24/7.

We had been training hard all week, so on the spur of the moment, Isabelle had burst into my room announcing that we were going out tonight to a club a few blocks away called _Insanity's Decoy. _And as usual, I argued against it and lost.

Alec and I were waiting downstairs (Magnus was meeting us at the club) half an hour later, waiting for the girl's to finally emerge from Izzy's bedroom- or as Clary liked to call it, '_her own personal torture chamber_'. But nobody could argue how beautiful she looked when she came out of it.

Izzy came down first and ordered me to turn around. I rolled my eyes but complied nonetheless.

A few moments later, a small pair of hands covered my eyes from behind. I knew who it was before she spoke.

'Guess who,' Clary whispered, laughing in my ear. I turned around to face her, not before i saw Alec's face; she must have looked stunning otherwise he wouldn't be gawking so much.

Yet there was every reason to stare.

Clary was wearing a black halter neck dress that bubbled out at her thighs that made her look a few inches taller but maybe that's because she was wearing heels.

She looked beautiful.

Isabelle snapped her fingers in front of my face. 'Hello? Jace? We're leaving. Like now.'

I nodded, not comprehending a word she said and moved to towards Clary. I wrapped my arms around her waist and looked down at her. She may have heels on, but she still wasn't as tall as me.

'Well Clarissa, I think I'm not the only who's going to have eyes for you tonight.'

She blushed. 'I swear Izzy's done something illegal to get me to look this good.'

I shook my head. 'That's a lie and you know it; you're always beautiful.'

She reached and pressed her lips to mine quickly.

'C'mon, we're going to be the death of Isabelle otherwise.'

I smiled, took her hand and we raced out after the others.

*****

And that's how I got to be standing here amidst the crowd of swaying bodies and coloured lights.

Pretty soon after we arrived, Alec met up with Magnus and Izzy was snavelled up to dance by a guy with green streaks throughout his blonde hair which left Clary and I standing there between the mass moving to the music and the people lined up at the bar.

'You wanna get a drink?' I asked Clary. She nodded and I led her to the bar.

Three drinks later, Clary led me out to the so called "dancing" mob, put my hands on her waist and started to sway with the crowd.

It went on like this for a couple hours: A drink or two then we'd join the crowd only to head back to the bar for a break. At one point, we had a round of shots with Alec and Magnus however we hadn't seen Izzy all night.

The only kick I was getting out of tonight though was watching Clary more drunk by the hour.

This I hadn't seen before but it was downright hilarious - especially on the trip home.

Since the club was only a few streets away from the Institute, we had decided to walk there and back. We called Isabelle to tell her we were leaving and to meet us out the front.

As we stood out there waiting, Clary put her iPod in her ears; bored and trying to ignore how cold it was.

Yet being drunk makes you do stupid things.

Once Izzy had stumbled out of the club, sweaty and a little heady, we started walking back to the Institute. Clary had left her earphones in, and even though it wasn't loud, we soon heard what she was listening to.

'I'M HERE WITHOUT YOU, BABY, BUT YOU'RE STILL ON MY LONELY MIND. I THINK ABOUT YOU, BABY, AND DREAM ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME.'

Clary was off: dancing while walking forward, swinging her hips and her red hair around. I grasped her hand, hoping to stable her so she wouldn't fall over.

'I know you do, but you better pipe down before Russia hears about it,' I whispered in her ear. Yet my words fell on deaf ears...well, more preoccupied ones.

'HERE'S THE DAY YOU HOPED WOULD NEVER COME. DON'T FEED ME VIOLINS; JUST RUN WITH ME THROUGH ROWS OF SPEEDING CARS...'

'Hmm, I reckon we should try that one day,' I mused.

Pretty soon, a new song started.

'SHE WANTS TO TOUCH ME, WOOOH, SHE WANTS TO LOVE ME, WOOOH, SHE'LL NEVER LEAVE ME, WOOOH WOOOH OH OH...'

Izzy burst out laughing. I even had to hide a chuckle. I'm sure Alec would have been laughing to if he wasn't being preoccupied with Magnus and his sparkling attire.

"OOH MY PRETTY LITTLE ONE, PRETTY ONE; WHEN YOU GONNA GUVE ME SOME TIME, SHARONA? OOH YOU MAKE MY MOTOR RUN, MY MOTOR RUN. GUN IT COMIN' OFF THE LINE SHARONA! NEVER GONNA STOP, GIVE IT UP, SUCH A DIRTY MIND, I ALWAYS GET IT UP, FOR THE TOUCH, OF THEYOUNGER KIND, MY-MY-MY-MI-AY-AH-! M-M-M-MY SHARONA!!"

'Okay, I'm confiscating your iPod now, Clary, before you embarrass yourself further,' I said, reaching over, pulling the buds out of her ears and the iPod out of her left hand and placing it in one of the inner pockets of my jacket.

'Remind me to tell you to get Clary drunk more often- she's a riot,' Izzy said, giggling as we entered the Institute's lower level.

'Wow!' Clary said rather loudly, her face looking mesmerised, 'This church has great acoustics! ECHO....'

And echo her voice did, loudly, through the rows of pews. Izzy pressed the button for the elevator.

Just before we could all pile in, Clary's eyes fluttered to a close and fell to the floor- she had passed out.

''Bout time,' Isabelle muttered.

I shook my head and bent down to pick the limp Clary up off the cold marble.

Poor Clary. She was going to have one massive headache in the morning.


	2. The Limbo Incident

**HOLY BANANAS I'M UPDATING! In excitement over the movie, I said to myself, 'You know what? I should get back into ' and so I did! So old readers and new, for the first time in 2 years, here's another one shot of our favourite people. Ps. Yeah, no beta and I should be doing an essay currently so grammar is just, blah, and also this is a bit suggestive at times. Little ones have been warned, yes. Love, Bowvs.  
Disclaimer- Just the stupidity is mine, not the characters. **

**CPOV**

People may come and go, but friends stay forever.

But not long enough to clean up afterwards.

Thy will not be done apparently.

Tonight I couldn't have wanted things any simpler: a movie, maybe, and take-out for dinner with the usual crowd.

But seriously, not this.

"Jace why are you making me do this," I asked, more to myself then him. Why oh why was he doing this to me! I looked at the clear bottle of alcohol in front of me, and folded my arms.

"Hey, I'm not making you do this at all. You invited everyone over including Magnus who has the power to sway anybody's will and testament," He replied, pulling two six pack of drinks from the fridge and grabbing a bottle opener from the cutlery draw, "Besides, you don't have to drink. I mean, sober is just as good especially when it comes to you. You don't need any more crazy."  
"I believe the term is 'high on life'," I said, taking the bottle opener from his hand and grabbing the vodka I had previously been staring at, "But really, crazy should be much preferred to drunk criers."

He smirked and leaned over and put his chin on my head. "That's true. I'm glad you manned up, Fray."

I let out an exasperated breath and poked him in the stomach. "Awesome is a gift, Lightwood. Don't forget it." I ducked under him, grabbed some plastic cups stacking them on the bottle and waltzing out of the kitchen with a slight booty pop in Jace's direction. He just rolled his eyes and followed me down the hall to our large living room.

We'd been renting our own place for a year now, giving us some space from the Institute. It wasn't like we weren't there most days anyway but I liked having my own place that wasn't my mother's. I'd been a Shadowhunter for 4 years now and the privacy away from the ever-watching eye of Maryse is a god-send!

Simon had finally come back from college, looking like a kid genius, for the mid semester break. He'd moved to Florida in hope that the heat and sunlight would deter any vampire rumours or threats of recognition that occurred in NYC. Isabelle had pined for a while, but eventually chose to go between here and Florida, staying at Simon's apartment every third week. Alec had moved out into Magnus's apartment as well leaving the Institute almost desolate once a month when Izzy was away.

So taking the opportunity, I'd invited everyone over for a get together as well as Maia and Jordan for dinner and a movie just to chill and not having to worry about assessment or demons for one night. Yet, knowing my friends, I shouldn't have assumed a quiet one was in order.

Being greeted by the sight of multiple asses in the air is something no one should probably witness in their lifetime yet somehow we witness a lot of things that no one does ever see. Jace opened the door to the living room and there, mid game was Isabelle, Simon, Magnus and Alec and Maia all connected to a Twister mat with Jordan slumped in the arm chair spinning the directions. Izzy had stuck her iPod in the dock by the TV, blaring something about teenage dreams.  
"Right hand blue Izzy," he called out. Izzy swivelled slightly to the left, bumping into a humming Maia setting her slightly off tune and looking at the closest blue dot.

"I'm so sorry Alec but I refuse to lose!" She said in a strained voice. She visibly shuddered and proceeded to put her arm through the gap between Alec's legs, her head now leaning against his butt. Her facial expression said it all. Magnus just laughed while the blood rushed to Alec's face.

"Don't worry Alec, incestuous love especially adoration of cute butts is nothing new around here, am I right Clary?" Magnus said, raising an eyebrow in our place of observation by the door.

"Well…that escalated quickly," Jace said, closing the door behind him and guiding me by the small of the back towards the loveseat where half an hour previously we had been piled on or on the mattresses on the floor watching _Pulp Fiction. _Boredom was often something that became this household when forced to take a night off. I put the bottle of vodka and cups on the coffee table in front of us where the soft drinks were already sitting from before.

"Ahhh, beer!" Jordan cried, tossing the spinner to the side and relieving Jace of one of the six packs and resumed his position the recliner, popping one of the caps with a claw and took an appreciative swig.

Simon rose to grab a drink as well but Maia quickly interceded. "SIMON, we are still mid game! No drink until someone cracks to the awkwardness and falls."

"Yeah, by the way Magnus is stroking my calf with his polished and buffed nails, I'm pretty sure my dignity will give in first," he said dryly, "Spin the damn spinner, Jordan."  
Jordan was too busy popping another drink so I grabbed the spinner instead. "Uh whoever is next, left hand red."  
"Simon, my boy, you spoke too soon," Magnus said as he moved under Simon's arched form towards the closest red spot. Simon squeaked slightly as Magnus's spiked hair scratched along the soft skin by his belt, aware of the proximity of Magnus's head and his own crown jewels. Jace snorted into his drink and Jordan laughed at the sight.

"That's it, I claim awkward pussy. No give me a drink!" Simon shouted, scrambling backwards off the board. Alec let out a sigh of relief and Izzy quickly shuffled away from her brother's derriere. Magnus stayed in his spread eagle position on the board, declaring loudly that no one could get as low as he could.

"Do I hear a challenger?" Isabelle declared as she mixed herself a coke and vodka with more alcohol content then necessary. She turned on her heel, cup in hand, to Magnus now lying on the ground, given up on holding himself up.

"Sweetie, you ain't got nothing on me," he said, grinning.

She smirked. I knew that look. She was out to prove herself and was going to get extraordinarily intoxicated while doing it. I sighed. Alcohol was the only thing that was going to get me through this night. Sober was not an option. I grabbed a beer off the coffee table just to amuse Jace beside me; the smirk across his face said it all. 'Adapt or die' was the motto around here in more ways than one.

"Do not doubt my flexibility," Isabelle huffed.

"I'll vouch for that!" Simon said around his drink.

"Simon!" I spluttered, "Inappropriate much!"  
He gestured around him at the laughing occupants in the room. "I see immature adults. I mean it's not like I heard you moaning last night around 12:30am while I tried to sleep in here. Your bedroom is right beside this room, remember?"

I blushed. Jace just put his arm around me and pulled me closer. "Simon you're just jealous Isabelle isn't this much of a spitfire in bed."

My mouth dropped open and I slapped Jace on the chest. He just raised his hands in a guilty manner and grinned, while Maia actually fell off her chair.

"My God I've missed you all!" She exclaimed, getting her 4th drink and turning up the music on the stereo, "Remember that time when Simon split his pants dancing drunkenly to this song at Isabelle's 18th?!"  
I poured myself a vodka and coke, laughing at the memory. Alec was lying on the mattress crooning the song to Simon who had put his head in hands but his shoulders were still shaking in laughter. Magnus joined in on the song, sitting beside Alec with a cup in hand.  
"_IM BEAUTIFUL IN MY WAY CAUSE GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES IM ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY I WAS BORN THIS WAY_!"

Jordan slapped a palm to his eyes. "You guys have honestly the worst taste in music."

Magnus stood and pounded his chest. "Gay rights brother! Have some glitter," he declared, shaking some glitter from his hair in Jordan's direction.

Alec high-fived his boyfriend and gave a smug, proud look to the werewolf in the chair. Maia took pity and went and sat on her boyfriend's lap, whispering something into his ear. He smiled and nodded and they both stumbled to a standing position.

"We're gonna head off guys," Maia said, hold her boyfriend upright, "I have work tomorrow and Jordan is gonna stay the night at mine. I don't need him in a cab by himself and then getting sick."

"Aka, they're off to have wild sex and down more shots before the night is out," Jace said, of hand. Jordan grinned and Jace tipped the end of his bottle in the couple's direction. I punched him in the arm.

"You're terribly bad tonight, Jace. Leave them be," I said, finishing my 3rd large cup. He smirked and leaned in to whisper in my ear, but didn't get the opportunity.

"EVERYBODY!" Isabelle announced, "would you please step aside? I have found a long stick-"

"AHEM, Simon," someone coughed.

"-in the cupboard known as a broom and on this day it will be proven that I can go lower than Magnanimous over here!" She continued, unfazed.

"Yeah we're leaving," Maia called. I waved at her from my spot on the couch as they made their way out the door.

"Remember Maia, TimTams are cheaper than condoms!" I called out behind them. Jace raised an eyebrow.

"Are you suggesting we eat chocolate over having fun?" he said, pulling me onto his lap. I kissed his pouting lips and replied.

"For 24 fun times, I could be having over 30 moments of bliss in my mouth."

Jace laughed. You really don't think when you've been drinking!"

I frowned and then slapped my hands over my mouth. "You filthy minded boyfriend!"

"Only for yooooooou," he crooned. I slap him on the chest again.

"Oi Clary, can you find some appropriate music for our limbo competition?" Isabelle yelled. Simon and Alec had already taken their positions, holding the broom at either end.

"SNAKE!" Simon shouted and then violently started waving the pole up and down, catching Alec by surprise, dropping the thing. Simon pouted. "Alec spoiled the game."

"Simon has had one too many to drink, me thinks," Alec called out.

Magnus held up his hands. "Darling, this must be decided once and for all. Isabelle, my foe, take your position!"

I scroll through the music on the iPod, smiling at some of the memories these songs have been involved in. Ah! Found it!

"Isaaaabbeelllleee," I call as the beat starts. She jumps with glee and intoxication, forgetting the competition as we start to dance.

"_TO THE WINDOW, TO THE WINDOW, TO THE WALL, TO THE WALL, TILL THE SWEAT DRIPS DOWN MY BALLS ALLLLLLL YOU BITCHES CRAWL_!"

"Oh hell, I'd forgotten about this song," Jace said, face-palming. Simon nodded and called out to Izzy.

"Woman I want to get this over and done with!"

"That _is_ what he said," Magnus muttered with a strange tone of wonder to his voice. Simon shot him a sarcastic look, raising an eyebrow.

"_LET ME SEE YOU GET LOW YOU SCARED YOU SCARED! DROP YO' ASS TO THE FLOOR YOU SCARED YOU SCARED_!" Izzy and I continued to follow our old dance routine while singing much to everybody's impatience. When the song had finally finished, Izzy and I took our bows and she went back to her competition with Magnus. I put on the next song for her and she blew a kiss in my direction.

I went back to the lounge. Jace moved his legs off the chair where he had been reclining, but I straddled his lap instead of sitting beside him. He chuckled.

"_Shorty had them apple bottom jeans, boots with the furrrrr, the whole club looking at herrr. She hit the floor, she hit the floor, next thing you know, Shorty got low, low,low,low,low,low,low,low_!" I sing, twisting my hips on his knees.

"What are you doing, Fray? You're missing the limbo-off," he said smirking.

"Truth be told, you much rather me sitting like this and proving my own flexibility than watching them do it," I said, lazily outstretching my arms over his shoulders.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer and smiled, "You know me too well. Too well in fact that I'm going to have to pull out a few surprises sooner or later. You know, maybe drama just to mix things up."

I raise my eyebrow. "Like what? And don't you dare put a demon in the freezer or hide the toilet paper from me!"

He just laughed. "Whatever, that's my secret. But you may find no knives in the draw tomorrow for your morning toast."  
"You bitch," I glare at him.

"You love me," he said, proudly. I shrugged and gave him an angelic face. He took my mouth with his and I leaned in further. I bit his bottom lip and felt him smile against my lips.

"Careful, Fray."

"You know I don't do careful, baby," I said slyly, releasing his lip and I pulled back from his grasp, "Teasing is something I will do however."

He smirked.

"Are you guys paying attention to Magnus's butt whooping?" Isabelle shouted.

I turn around on Jace's lap to face the vindictive woman behind me. "I am now, oh gorgeous one."

And I would just like to point out just how low that broom was. Izzy and Magnus were pulling out all their flexibility cards in the deck, but in the end Izzy did end up taking out the championship.

"Please, hold you're applause everyone! Bitches, I'm fabulous!" she declared, standing atop of the coffee table, "Aww man I don't feel too good…"

"Simon get her down and take her to bed. She's had enough for this evening. First to pass out or get sick had to sleep in here, so hah!" I said. Rules were rules.  
"Alec, we shall take our leave with that. The apartment isn't far, thank all holy objects," Magnus said, picking up his satchel, "Oh and you owe me a massage-my back hurts."

Alec shook his head with silent laughter, "I think I can do that for you." He leaned over and kissed Magnus and turned back to say good bye to us all.

After Alec and Magnus swept out through the front door, bundled in coats and hands firmly grasped, Jace and I said goodnight to Simon and Izzy, them promising to help clean up before leaving in the morning. I snorted, and shut the door behind me. I turned only to find Jace, sweeping me over his shoulder.

"Put me down Jace or I swear-"

"Blah blah blah let's not spend our money on TimTam's and instead stuff worth buying."

I giggle uncontrollably as he carries me into our bedroom and shuts the door firmly behind us.

**Kisses!**


End file.
